Category: Women and gender studies

Using the attached paper, make the following corrections/enhancements. There are some writing things that I can touch on when I am able to make comments. Do put percents into numbers (8.2% as an example in your problem statement).
The problem statement is awkward:
Explain that first sentence.
The next one shifts gears to unemployment rates and it is unclear if that is statistically significant, that difference.
Then you switch to a claim that the low number creates challenges
That three relatively unrelated comments (at least for the readere). I think I understand the relationship between the third and fourth sentences but it would be the support systems (that there being few women means there are few there to support). That is different from the mental health services (and what do you mean by this – low in the workplace? EAP? Community services? Most organizations do not employ mental health services but they have something like EAP. You talk about these rise up and impact them but you say that this is due to few women veterans in the workplace. You need to clarify about male dominated industries. You have many very specific components but the problem sentence is more general. Do you want to focus on veterans who have experienced assault or female veterans in general. Are you wanting to look at female veterans who go into male dominated industries or “civilian society” in general. These are all very different. I think a lot of things were mentioned to differentiate women as unique but they serve to create confusion.

900-1000 words.
You will be creating this assignment as your final:a letter to an ancestor, a descendant named after you such as a grandchild. You will use the language, concepts, and ideas that you have taken from the course and integrate it with what you feel are important lessons to share.You are speaking to them at age 18. Share your thoughts on gender and sexuality, what would you want them to know and be prepared with, including:

Tell them your intersecting identities – gender, sex, and more – and what they mean today in our society and culture-tell them what that may mean for them as they grow. Be sure to include your definition of intersectionality after taking this class.
Explain systemic injustice or inequality today in the lives of women+ that we covered in the course that you feel are unjust or misunderstood and hope have changed by their time.
Use 10 quotations from class readings, citing them fully in text and in a works cited. The Reading Responses will help immensely with this.
Share with them a woman+ of our time or two that inspires or highlights a point you are making and you hope are remembered in hxstory.
Consider your own ancestors, a grandmother or parent who have gone before you. In reflection of the weeks we have spent talking about the history of gender, bodies, and sexuality often being full of violence, colonization, resistance, creativity, love and resilience for generations before us, consider what a grandmother 5 generations before you had survived. Your oral history project may help with this final.
Take time to write a letter and process it all.
2-3 pages. Double spaced. Times New Roman. MLA Format.
text- Cisneros House on Mango Street (any version)

Can you edit my essay by following these instructions and the edits my professor made, please?
1. Separate your consideration of SB’s life and her legacy (I made a note of this in your intro). Try to be explicit and precise about where your essay seeks to intervene–what’s your thesis? I think it was going to be about how different actors have made meaning of SB’s life. The articulation of your thesis could be longer and more thorough–how exactly does each of the three actors (Cuvier, Alexander, Mbeki) you work with make meaning of SB?
2. Make sure you are characterizing SB’s life correctly. She was not Cesar’s slave. Also, it is very important to Magubane’s essay that SB was not understood to be “Black” during her lifetime, but rather as a specific other racialized category of person (“Hottentot”–today, “Khoe”). You do not have to agree with Magubane, but you should at least acknowledge her point since her essay is one of your sources.
I suggest rereading Scully and Crais, and Magubane, to make sure you are accurately portraying the basic facts of her life accurately.
3. I think you can do more with Alexander’s poem, which is a great text. There is more to say! It also could be useful to quote Mbeki, so you can say some more precise things about what he was publically claiming about SB and her repatriation.
4. Be sure to proofread well. In particular, make sure you are spelling names correctly, consistently, and that you are correctly formatting your quotations according to MLA style. You do need page numbers in all in-text citations. I suggest making two appointments with the Writing Center–one for sometime soon to help with revision, and one later (week of April 29 perhaps), to help you proofread thoroughly.
5. This is more a point of disagreement. I would like you to think more about the 19th-century European idea that SB was actually very different because of her race. She may not have had “excess fat” or special genitalia, but rather these men made this racist and sexist myth/fantasy. I think Amanda Swarr wrote about this in our reading for last semester.