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PROMPT:  How would you revise either Essay Project 1
or Project 2? 
The
Revision Plan that you create must identify no less than THREE
proposed areas of global and/or local revision (see the required handout
for an explanation of global and local revision). When determining each area in
need of revision (global and local), students should take instructor feedback
on their original submissions into account. 
However, students must also demonstrate that they understand that meaningful
revision requires more than treating the instructor’s comments as a checklist.  The revision plan essay is not a casual
document.  It should still have a main
idea, body paragraphs, and correct grammar and punctuation.  You are writing a five-paragraph essay,
similar in structure to the other essays you have written this semester (intro,
thesis, topic sentences, conclusion, etc.). 
You may write in first person. 
Lastly, please remember to edit your revision plan essay.  
*Each of the three proposed areas
of global and/or local revision must provide
the following 3 components: 
•      
Critical
Thought/Context: This component must describe the content area in need of
global or local revision.
Your description must demonstrate a clear understanding of your previous
submission’s shortcomings AND the ways in which those shortcomings
influenced your original essay.
•      
Revision
Category: This
component must name AND justify the specific kind of revision required
in the content area and demonstrate your understanding of the type of revision to
be made.
•      
Action
Plan: This
component must describe your intended process to successfully revise the
content area; it must include a multi-step plan of action that attends to more
than surface-level needs and includes your purpose.
Revision
allows students to understand and practice large-scale revision techniques,
often essential to any successful writing process. To learn more about three
specific types of revision and prepare to write about the revision process,
students must critically read Chapter 3 of their Rules
for Writers handbook and Donald
Murray’s “The Maker’s Eye: Revising Your Own Manuscripts”
THis is the essay that needs to be revised:
Healing
Spaces: Designing a Hospital for the Body and Soul
Stepping
into the hospital, one is immediately enveloped by an aura of professionalism.
The pristine white walls, accented with soothing shades of orange echo the establishment’s
commitment to cleanliness and calm. Soft, diffused lighting casts a gentle
glow, warding odd the sterile harshness that one might expect. The air cries a
faint, clean scent, devoid of the anticipated medicinal pungency making each
breathe a subtle reassurance of care. Comfortable seating areas, adorned with
vibrant, life- affirming plants, offer solace and a space for reflection.
Artwork depicting tranquil landscapes and abstract forms of healing and hope adorns
the corridors, providing a visual balm to visitors and patients alike. The
staff with their warm smiles and quiet competence move with grace that belies
the urgency of their work. This hospital, a haven of healing, has been
thoughtfully designed to ease the mind and comfort the spirit, making it a
place where one can reflect fondly on compassionate care received.
Upon
this foundation of tranquility, the hospital’s design extends its embrace the
senses, ensuring that each patient’s experience is as comforting as possible.
The hallways, wide and uncluttered allow for easy navigation, instilling a
sense of independence and dignity in patients and visitors. The lighting
deliberately soft and warm, minimizes shadows and creates an environment that
feels safe and inviting. The choice of artwork is strategic, with pieces
selected not only for their aesthetic value but also for their ability to
inspire and uplift the human spirit. Each piece tells a story of hope,
resilience, and the beauty of life, serving as silent encouragers to those on
the path to recovery. The seating arrangements in waiting areas are designed to
foster a sense of community and support, allowing for shared moments of
connection and empathy. Even the plants, with their greenery contribute to a
sense of life and growth, symbolling the journey of healing that patients
embark upon. The staff’s attire, a bland of professionalism and approachability,
reinforces the hospital’s mission to provide care that is both expert and
compassionate. Every detail, from the scent in the air to the texture of the
fabrics is a testament to the hospital’s dedication to creating a healing sanctuary
that attends to the well-being of both body and soul.
In
this sanctuary of healing, the precise attention to detail continues beyond the
visual and spatial elements. The auditory experience is carefully curated to
prevent the cacophony of beeping machines and bustling corridors from overwhelming
the senses. Instead, the sound of soft instrumental music occasionally
permeates the spaces, offering a soothing backdrop to the rhythm of footsteps
and distant conversations. This auditory cushion helps to maintain the calm
atmosphere, ensuring that the environment remains conducive to healing and
relaxation. The hospital’s commitment to sensory comfort is also evident in the
texture of materials used throughout the facility. From the smoothness of the
handrails to the plushness of the chairs, every surface is selected with the patients’
physical comfort in mind. Providing a tactile reassurance that complements the
visual and auditory efforts to create a holistic healing experience.
Embracing
the full spectrum of human emotions within the hospital’s walls is a testament
to its comprehensive care approach. The presence of various emotions is not
only acknowledged but also celebrated as a positive aspect of the healing journey.
Joy is found in the laughter of a family receiving good news, the relief in a patient’s
sign as pain recedes, and the pride in staff members when their care leads to a
patient’s recovery. Anxiety and fear are met with the gentle touch of a staff member’s
hand and the reassuring words of a doctor, transforming the hospital into a
field of hope against uncertainty. Even in sorrow, there is a shared strength,
as compassionate diversity mirrors life’s complexities and reinforces that hospital’s
role as a nurturing environment that honors the full human experience.
In
conclusion, the hospital’s meticulous attention to detail in its design is a
testament to its philosophy of holistic healing. The environment is not just a
backdrop but an active participant in the journey to wellness. From the
carefully chosen color scheme to the strategic placement of art and greenery,
every element works in harmony to create a sanctuary for healing. IT stands as
a beacon of hope, a place where physical environment aligns with the dedicated
staff’s mission to nurture both the body and soul. This hospital is more than a
building. It is a testament to the power of thoughtful design in the healing
process. Providing peace and comfort to all who walk its halls.